Marc Elliot suffers from Tourette's syndrome. I know, I've talked about it before, but I can relate to having your body or your brain forcing you to do things that you don't want to do, which may make you and other people uncomfortable. I'm lucky that most of my stims are quiet, and very low-key, so you don't notice them unless you're watching me carefully. But they're there. It's not fun to feel like you can't even control your own body.
The reason I'm posting this video, is about tolerance. Growing up, I always assumed that people saw the world the same way I did. And when they behaved in ways that didn't make sense to me, I would try to figure out why in the world they acted that way. For example, I can't understand why someone would put nuts in banana bread. This completely escapes me. When I try to eat banana bread with nuts in it, a lot of times I end up gagging (as I've grown up, I've grown out of that, but I still avoid that stuff like the plague). I finally concluded that there must be something going on that I don't know anything about. I am so lucky to have that insight, that we are all the same, essentially, but we all have different perspectives, preferences, and trials that we go through, which makes us behave differently from each other.
Another really great thing about being autistic, and not knowing it, is that for a while I assumed that everyone must be just as afraid of other people as I am, they just cover it up better than me. I know, if anything, that sound weird or depressing, not "great". But when I met other people, and they would have a hard time talking to me, I would just go "Oh, they're nervous about talking to me, just like I'm nervous about talking to them," and I would act accordingly. I've probably mentioned this in an earlier post, too, but I think it's worth talking about. This perspective has helped me make friends so much easier than I used to, because I project my fear and awkwardness onto them, suddenly making me the calm, easy-going one. When you project confidence and tranquility, it helps other people feel at ease as well.
I'm not boasting about how great I am at making friends--not at all. Most times, when I have a conversation with someone, it doesn't go anywhere. I don't have many people that I regularly interact with. But when people reflect the image I put on, it helps me calm down, too. Now, I think mirroring is a common, subconscious technique that most people use, which is why a lot of autists struggle over connecting with people: they can't pick up on a lot of the non-verbal cues, and they certainly can't copy what they don't see. From my reading, female autists are actually really good at mimicry (which is exactly how I learned how to communicate with people in the first place: careful, conscious mimicry), as apposed to male autists. I'm not sure why, but I sure would like to learn more about it.
But when somebody else is putting off the vibe that everything is "safe", that there is no danger, even if you don't know why, a lot of times you feel better. You can put your guard down a little bit, because someone else in the herd can see there's no lions or cheetahs nearby. I just choose to be the first one to tell everybody that the coast is clear. And when everybody relaxes, that primal part of my brain goes: "Oh, everybody's chill now, so there must be no danger," and calms down a little bit, too. I don't think I'll ever be completely at ease in a social situation, but metaphorically dumping tranquilizers in the watering hole certainly helps.
Before I go, I'd like to take a moment to repeat that I am so glad I'm on the spectrum. It's not that I think other people's lives are horrible, or something like that, but I just can't imagine being any other way. Having my brain work the way it does means that I've learned and felt and done some amazing things. The trials I have had, no matter how hard or embarrassing, have helped me to be more tolerant and understanding of other people. It is difficult being autistic sometimes, but the truth is, nobody's life is easy or simple.
I'm just happy to be here, in this mind, in this body, flaws and all.
Penny
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